Feet fail me not

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

So goes the Eminem tune that has defined my training over the past year. Lose Yourself has been one of those iPod classics that I never get tired of and always helps to spur me on during my running.

Of course I'm well aware that the song is really about some pistol whipping, drug dealing, hoodie gangster type from the wrong side of some tough American trailer town, and not about an overweight, middle class(ish) white English boy from a quaint suburb of an English city training to run a marathon, but that doesn't mean it don't mean nothin'.
Fact is the pumping beat and the anger in the lyrics and sheer determination in the face of the seemingly impossible has been enough to drive me on through the coldest, darkest most miserable winter nights I've ever known. And, it's a bit sweary in places too, which is also good for motivation at times.

More than once I've been schlepping down the Portway in the rain on a dark night with this song thumping into my brain and shouted along with the lyrics: 
So here I go is my shot, feet fail me not, this may be the only opportunity I got,
Success is my only motherf*****g option, failure's not!
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow, This opportunity comes once in a lifetime!

That really gets my blood running some how, that followed by Rage Against the Machine and some louder Oasis moments - not that I have anger management issues or anything you understand. Go listen to it while running up a big hill, and you'll know what I mean.

It's now five days until my first London Marathon and since Friday last week I've been feeling a knot in my stomach getting bigger and tighter with every minute I get closer to the day. It's really odd because I had no idea this would happen and now I feel scared and sick and nervous all at the same time. The last time I felt like this was when I asked Amy to marry me, can't remember any other time, maybe when Southampton ran out onto the pitch at the Millennium Stadium in the FA Cup final in 2003. Hope the marathon ends in a better result than that.
I know in my brain that I have done everything I need to prepare and have done the miles and the training, but I can't help feeling like I'm going to not make it round or get overwhelmed by the event.
I'm having anxiety dreams about it now as well. The other night I dreamt I was walking in the opposite direction to the start line and then couldn't get my running shoes on when I tried, and in fact I ended up borrowing somebody's car and crashing it into a riverbank or something odd.
I know I'm supposed to be tapering but I'm genuinely scared that I'm going to lose my runnning legs and suddenly all those months of training will disappear, so I'm running a little distance every other day, and I've been down the gym a couple of times.
My official British Heart Foundation running top arrived last week as well, complete with letters for me to stick on so that people see my name and shout encouragement. I might just put IDIOT on the front instead of my name, because really that's more appropriate. Who in their right mind would spend a really hot April day running 26 miles around the middle of London with thousands of other loonies.
I am also really worried that it's going to be really hot and I'm going to pass out from heat exposure.
Luckily all my running will be done at the hottest part of the day from about 10am until 3pm, so no escaping it. Maybe I could do it at night instead, or really early in the morning. I even had a bonkers idea that the volcano dust cloud was going to descend on the capital and the whole thing would be called off due to public health fears. I would be so gutted if that happened, or if anything like a twisted ankle or a dose of summer flu was to attack me. Anything that could possibly stop me running on Sunday would be devastating. I'm not sure I could in all honesty recover from that very easily.
Anyway, I'm sure all will be fine and all these irrational nerves are quite normal for first timers like me - couldn't be more appropriately sponsored as I am a Virgin Marathon virgin, as it were.

For all my nonsense ramblings I'm really excited about the run now, I can't wait to hobble down the Mall and get across the line in one piece, hopefully, and I've even given myself the Monday off work to get over it!