Calling All Fat Bastards - come and join me

The time for talking has past. The time for action is here.
Today I am launching my one-man campaign to raise fitness and fight obesity among the men of Bristol, by calling for people to join me in forming the all-new Fat Bastards' Running Club.
I've just read that back and realised what a load of nonsense it sounds, but it's all true.
I am now seven months away from lining up with tens of thousands of other loonies at the start of the London Marathon, and I've got a lot of work to do.
The idea of the campaign is to enlist the help of some other people who may be in a similar physical shape and have the same goal to want to get fit and lose weight, because I just don't think I can do it on my own.
The best training I have ever done in the past has been with other people as you really encourage each other and push further than you thought possible.
So the Fat Bastards' Running Club is launching a major recruiting drive for new members.
This is a running club with a difference. There are some minimum requirements that you will have to meet, or at least put up with.
For example, my current running speed is about 4mph, which is about the same speed as a brisk walk.
So if you can't handle running that slowly, it's not the club for you.
You don't have to be a 'fat bastard' necessarily, but the whole point of the club is that it is for people who don't get up in the morning and shave their legs to give them an extra half a second running between Bristol and Bath on their morning jaunt.
It is for overweight, unfit men who struggle to find the motivation to get fit on their own. Women are of course welcome too, on the same terms.
Unless you have a good case to argue, you also have to be over 30-years-old, as it's only when you start to cut a swath through your 30s that you realise how badly you've looked after yourself during your 20s.
It's for people like me, who find running really bloody hard work, but want to do it to achieve the ultimate goal of losing weigh and getting fit.
If you have a goal, perhaps it is the London Marathon, maybe the Bath or Bristol half marathons, or just to run regularly to lose weight, you can join this club and be among friends.
Obviously the idea is that over time you will graduate from the club and become a fit and healthy member of society again and will no longer wear the Fat Bastards' Running Club t-shirt that I'm planning to get printed, all sized XXL of course.
If, like me, you feel intimidated when you go to the gym, or couldn't possibly keep up with the running clubs or military fitness clubs you see on the Downs, this is the club for you.
It is going to be run on a very informal basis, no membership fee, no club colours, just a bunch of blokes (and women) trying to get fit helping each other run around the Downs. Just think how much more enjoyable the pub will be afterwards.
It's the best time to commit to something like this as well, because if you're a fat bastard you know the winter just means an extended period of grazing and putting on even more weight.
So, this is proper serious, if you live in Bristol, or even if you don't but can come and join us, let me know and I will, through this blog and Facebook, organise dates and locations for those first tentative runs.
Email me at simonpeevers@hotmail.co.uk or leave a comment on this blog and let me know if you're up for it.
Come on people! Witness the fatness!