Now I remember what belts are for

Pic caption: Arse posed by model.

I may be about 15 years too old, and I don't wear fancy pants, but it seems I have joined the ranks of the brain dead who walk around with their trousers falling down around their arses.

For the past couple off weeks the jeans I have been wearing have been getting a lot looser and now slip down past the old glutinous maximus when I walk.

I have stopped wearing them in public without a belt for fear of committing some kind of public indecency offence.

But, it's great news of course because it means I can see how much weight I've lost now by how baggy my jeans are. There are also a number of shirts that have gone from extremely tight fit to baggy as well, which is really pleasing.

Let's not get carried away though, the jeans are a 38" waist, so not as if they weren't massive to begin with.

But I'm thinking that perhaps I could walk down Gloucester Road with my M&S pants hanging out the back of my jeans, bowling along with my hoodie up looking all menacing and that, innit.

Here comes a GETTING OLD ALERT but, I've never been able to understand that whole thing about having your jeans around your knees.

I can see that David Beckham looks cool in his Gucci pants with his £1000 jeans slung low round his backside, but some scrotey kid with dirty boxers and cheapo jeans from Asda walking around Broadmead just looks an idiot.

But the whole mechanics of it defies gravity surely. How can they walk without tripping up, and how do the jeans stay at half mast, are they secretly pinned into their pants so they don't fall all the way down.

It's probably not worth that much attention. I guess they don't look any more ridiculous than I did at 14 walking round in jeans with rips all over them, Grolsch beer bottle tops in my trainers' laces, my dad's waistcoat and quite possibly some kind of head gear, a trilby of all things. No wonder my parents were worried.